Teaching children positive behavior and motivating them is a difficult task for many parents. It is especially difficult for parents of kids or teens with ADHD or executive functioning disorders. As our children get older, they need to feel listened-to, valued and appreciated for their hard work. Simply telling kids and teens to do something or not to do something isn’t always enough.
Parents of children and teens with ADHD sometimes focus on discouraging bad behavior, rather than encouraging good behavior. When was the last time you really took an effort to praise your child or teen? Take a moment to remember to be grateful for the good things they bring to your life. Use this moment of gratefulness to help you overcome resentful or hostile feelings. By rewarding children for good deeds — like when they do their chores, study for a set amount of time, etc. — you can teach them to associate those tasks with positive results (rewards) instead of negative ones (punishments). Rewards can be physical gifts, or activities, such as extra screen time or tickets to a sporting event.
Take a break from correcting or judging:
Make a concerted effort to plan periods of time with your child or teen in the coming week, that there are no questions, directions or judgements at all. During this time, just be accepting of who your child is and enjoy the time together. This time can help you develop a good relationship with your child. Parents of children with ADHD know that there are many moments of frustration and difficulty. Use these times of joy as a time for both of you to be happy.
Focus on one to two behaviors at a time:
If too many actions are rewarded, children and teens may have a difficult time associating specific behaviors with the rewards. Instead, focus on developing one or two habits at a time. Not only will this make it easier for the children to learn, it will also be easier for you to implement. The key to instilling any long-term lesson or behavior is consistency. Be sure to reward the same behavior every time it happens. Missing even one occurrence may eliminate your hard work and force you to start over.
Let teachers and care providers know
Teaching good behaviors can’t be limited to your home. Let teachers or others in your child’s life know about the efforts you are making. If they know specific behaviors to watch for, they can let you know how well the kids did in their care.
A reward system is a great way to teach good habits and create a positive learning environment. Use rewards that appeal to your children and remember to be diligent and patient. Developing good behavior takes time.
Resources for this blog here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10715.html